To learn how to gain self confidence we must first understand it is ‘acquired’ as we progress through life. It is not something you are born with or is a natural gift; we acquire it from through our experiences and the examples given to us by our parents, siblings and peers especially during our early years. In today’s society great pressure is on parents to protect their children from threats whether real or not and we are now seeing the ramifications from this cautiousness.

It is responsible to protect the innocent but at the same time we must be mindful that ‘over protection’ has a negative result and can remove the opportunity to gain the tools we need to deal with the complexity of the modern lifestyle. Although the evil that prey on children have been around since time memorial much of it is driven by the media and to a large degree it is unfounded but of course there is always the exception and an innocent child will be hurt and this is regrettable.

The unfortunate side to this has been an unprecedented rise in people suffering from self esteem and confidence issues. They have been ‘over protected’ and are ill-prepared for the rigors and demands placed on them by an unforgiving world and crumble in its wake. Not everyone who suffers from a lack of confidence comes from a paranoid upbringing but for many it is the case.

Low self esteem and lack of confidence comes from a victim mentality; either being a victim or afraid of becoming one. They are the ‘I’m not good enough’ feelings and they are fear based. Fear is a good thing and protects us from harm but when it is based on the ‘unreal’ it chokes the life out of living.

The natural progress for life is more life so when it is stifled it reacts by telling us not to go there. This is the negative emotions and the “I’m not good enough” feelings we feel when we are unjustifiably fearful. If you have ‘been there done that’ then you know that these unjustified feelings bring you deep unhappiness. If the fear was real or justified then the emotions would be relief but if you restrict yourself from living more life the ‘real you’ will rebel by sending you the message of unhappiness.

The “feelings” of low self esteem and low self confidence are in fact indicators telling you ‘not to go there’. It is the real you sending you a message, it’s almost banging you on the head saying “what are you doing to me, don’t go there!”

By recognizing these indicators and seeing them for what they are i.e. “a guide” we can begin the healing process by being less critical of oneself and see that the answer is being given to us. Focus your attention on what is right and good about you and accept your imagined faults as a guide telling you ‘not to go there’. Turn your despair into hope and you will ‘feel’ the difference. You can learn how to gain self confidence even when you are not by simply turning your fear into feelings of hope. You are good enough, all you have to do is to hope it is so and over time, you see it become your reality.